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Scenes from an Artist's Life
Chapter 9
" A Bard was selected to witness the fray,
And tell future ages the feats of the day." BURNS.
THE WIFE POISONER'S HOME-COMING-THE CHASE-HIS FLIGHT FROM THE MANSE-HE IS HUNG BY PROXY-SONG ON THE EVENT-LUCKY ANDERSON'S CAT-THE DUNDONALD PRESENTEE-POPULAR DEFIANCEOF THE PATRON-THE PLACING-I SHUT UP THE KIRK AND MANSE AND COME TO THE FRONT-THE MlNISTER'S WELLCOME-THE FIRST NIGHT AT THE MANSE-HIS FIRST SERMON-THE READING OF THE ROLL.
SMA' things often prepare the public mind for great events. The centre of Ayrshire was in 1815
sorely disturbed by what was considered an unequal distribution of justice. Although a Justiciary
Court had sat in Edinburgh, with lords, lawyers, and a jury, and had given judgment in the two
cases of life and death on crimes committed in Ayrshire, yet beggars, ballad-singers, sweeps, and
tinkers thought proper to try the cases de novo, and differ widely in their judgment as to the findings
on the same proof.
I once heard an auld minister say of marriage that it was a very ancient institution, comely in its
nature and honourable in its character, when properly understood and sensibly gone about. I don't
think that ony sensible man could say as much in praise of hanging. No matter how ancient the
custom, its originator must have have been of a very depraved taste; yet if he meant to deter folk
frae committing crime, the uglier that the thing be gane about sae muckle the better, although I wad
prefer hanging by proxy.
The public voice at the trials referred to, and long after, was that justice had not taken the proper
course. Witherington to be hanged for a lie, and Paterson to get free from the bar after sic plain
proof ! Paterson cam' hame to Newmilns in a chaise, and in the simplicity of his heart nodded to
several of his acquaintances out at the carriage window. Like as if a plague, or at least some
disturbing influence, had reached the place, the populace were on the alert, no to gi'e him a
welcome, but on the contrary to chase him awa'. Their sentence was that he shouldna set his foot
in the place, if they could help it; so they put their decision in operation by chasing him out like a
fox or some other sort of vermin. He ran to the Manse, and Mr Laurie, the minister, being something
of a general, told him as he had come in at his front door without permission asked and obtained,
he had better, by advice, go out at the back door and make the best of his way among the wilds of
nature, as he thought civilisation was against him, and from what he knew of the public mind, his
house could not be a sanctuary for him. The door was opened, and the doomed man favoured with
a fresh and a fair start.
Paterson thus broke cover without being discovered. The crowd increased, and surrounded the
Manse. Their demand was distinct and unalterable, to send out Paterson. The decent man, the
minister, reasoned with all who would listen to him to respect the law. He kept the crowd for near
an hour, giving the object of their pursuit a better chance of a start. Then he invited a deputation of
the people to come in and search his house if that they misdoubted his word. This escape was
grudged even by those who would have had mercy on the man.
Paterson wandered down by Dundonald on his unknown pilgrimage. I saw him one day on the
street gazing around him, when Mysie Wallace, wha knew him, gave him a fresh start: "There's that
Paterson, wha pushioned his wife." He made for the hills with discretion and speed.
After the grand spectacle of the hanging of Witherington, the people of Newmilns, having had a
lesson as to how an exhibition of the kind should be conducted, were determined to try the case by
proxy, whieh was done, and an effigy well got up for the purpose was found guilty of administering
poison to her he had sworn to protect.
He had asked for and got stuff, not to kill her outright, but only to "help her awa'." Among the
different appeals for stuff to help the wife out o' the gate, he had gaen to the son of Jock Tribe. The
song made at the time went on to say-
" But Tribe wad ha'e naething to do wi't,
And wad gi'e him naething ava;
Distracted wi' anger, quo Willie,
' I never will get her awa'.'
" Then next to a Knight o' the Thimble,
Wha keeps a drug shop in Newmilns:
He lately has drappet the needle,
And turned a retailer o' pills.
" Frae the tailor he got what he wanted,
Baith calomel, jalup, an' a';
It wasna to kill her outright,
But only to help her awa'."
Our auld sangs were always considered historically true-that is, sae far as the poet could see The
farmer in his zeal had arrangements made for the blank he meant to produce. It was loudly stated
that he had a helper in harness; whether she wad ha'e been a successor or not was yet to be
proven. His lordship, who sat on the case then, although by the voice of the jury he was deprived of
the chance of passing sentence on the prisoner at the bar, passed a sentence on the jury which
must have stunk in their nostrils while they walked the surface of earth.
The great exhibition of the dignity of the law in the case of poor Witherington having given a tone to
the public mind, brought forth its fruit in various forms. Boys in country barns and byres made straw
ropes, and, passing each other through the imitation ordeal, some of them were nearly settled as
well as the great type whom they held as a precedent. The trial always took place first, then, the
prisoner at the bar being found guilty of telling a lie, sentence and executien followed each other in
rapid succession.
Auld Lucky Anderson whose cat had been guilty of several acts of eating fish that she had bought
for her ain private use, was accused by her one day when she had taken a glass extra.
The cat looked in her face and gave an innocent "yaw ;" this only deepened her wrath at the beast
for denying what she hersel' had seen the vile thief do. She made a lang speech anent the enormity
of the crime of robbing masters and mistresses, and particularly when she had entrusted the vile
beast with the care of the house in her absence while she was in the act of getting hersel' fou. And
to think that the brute wad ha'e the audacity to look in her face and deny the fact ! She quoted
Witherington's case as a precedent, got a string and attached it to the end of the clothes' rope, and
bringing the criminal, with all the death-dealing apparatus, in her arms, " Here, laddies," quo she to
some of us who were engaged at a game of hide and seek, "here, laddies, here's a le'er to settle.
The runt has had a fair trial; it does not require a jury to sit on the case o' a cat. It's like a case o'
poaching; ae witness will do, even though he be a party concerned. Now, laddies, gang right aboot
it. Put the sma' string round its neck, fling the rope ower the branch o' the tree there, then draw
baudrons quietly up, and let her hing till she's seven times dead; a cat, ye ken, has seven lives, and
ye maun tak' care and no let it to the grun till they be a' out o't. Ye'll see some fun wi't before it ha'e
dune wi' them a'; it will turn sleepy and saft-like at first, then it will begin to wriggle its tail and bite
the string, then instead o' deein you wad think it had got seven new lives, for it will kick up capers
like a dancing-master; and be sure that ye bide back frae't, and I'll awa' hame before ye begin, for if
the beast was to fasten its e'e on me I wadna sleep the night. Noo, puss," quo she, " we'll mak' ye
upsides wi' the minister's cat; we'll sing ye a funeral service." So she gaed awa' hame singing-
'' There was a Presbyterian's cat sat watching for its prey,
And in the house she took a mouse upon the Sabbath day.
The minister, offended at such a cat profane,
Threw down his book, the cat he took, and bound her in a chain.
Then straight for execution poor baudrons she was drawn,
And hanged was she upon a tree, while the parson sung a psalm."
" That was the way to settle the profane beast," quo auld Lucky. " Noo, laddies, get on wi' your
wark, and see that ye keep the bairns back."
The boys actually began to delight in hangings. Cats were often, vithout the consent of their
owners, suspended on gibbets got up on the same principle as the law-honouring beam; and the
public mind was so truly impregnated with the grandeur of the suspension-spectacle of the
packman at Symington Toll, that the inhabitants of Newmilns were determined to have one for
themselves, which I thought at the time, and think still, served all the ends of justice, pleased the
people as well, and gave a higher proof of civilisation than any case of reality can. That is hanging
by proxy.
That Willie Paterson should have been set at liberty seemed wrong to every one but himself.
Arrangements were therefore entered into by some leading spirits about Newmilns, special
constables were got up, a troop of horsemen on the voluntary principle, a gallows with all its
extinguishing apparatus, a stuffed man with a new suit of black on him, made to fit the hangman,
whose perquisite it became for his risk of the nickname. All the grandeur, mixed with the terror of
the law, was put in force, and in presence of a multitude of upwards of twelve thousand people this
imitation criminal was made to declare the sentence of the law to be just in his case, and was
launched into the air on the hair trigger and suspension principle.
Everything was gone about with as much regularity as if the chief figure had been really the living
man. The people were as well pleased, and the speech-criers reaped as good a harvest. Country
people do their work with firmness. In this case they said, they dared, and did what the public voice
thought that common law and justice should have done at the public expense.
Excitement on a popular topic spreads and ferments, deepens and bursts, sometimes in words and
sometimes in deeds. The parish of Dundonald suffered from mental fermentation after the death of
Dr Duncan. There was too long an interval, wherein speculation had space to play and time to ripen.
The pulpit was in this space well supplied, but still there was no answer to the important question, "
Wha's to be the right ane ? Borrowin' and lendin' is a' vera guid, but wha are we to get to oursel's ?"
In the interval I had the pleasure of hearing " Simper James," the horse-couper o' Galston, Mr
M'Quhae, and "The Calf." I listened to these men, from remarks made on them by old people, as
something above ordinary humanity. Every one of them has left a distinct impression on my mind.
When it was at length understood that an auld man was to be given to the people by the patron,
and that no persuasion wad turn aside the resolve, a careless sort of defiance arose within the
minds of decent folks, and a waur kind of barbarism ripened in the minds of the regardless. When a
kirk gets divided among themselves, it is bad; but when a community rises against a patron, it is
worse. The success which attended the hanging of the effigy at Newmilns was planned to be
repeated at Dundonald; but whether to hang the priest or the patron became the point of
discussion. The vote was, " Hang the patron, as a minister wad be a fool to refuse a guid place, and
a patron was a tyrant to trample under foot the voice of a parish." There was a strong war against
the hares of the patron; many of the innocents were slain through spite. The voice of the people was
on the side of destruction; even the manse and kirk wad ha'e been melted wi' fire had it been sure
to have kept the auld man out. A rope and a white nightcap were sent as a present to the coming
man, with a kindly invitation for him to use them in private rather than risk himself among the
parishioners. However, beasts and birds of prey are not easily scared.
The day was named for the placing, or translation, as some were pleased to term it. A grand
gathering was to take place, and report spoke of a roaring feast. John Findlay, the innkeeper, was
to have the providing of the life pills and death drops, and the Manse was to be the scene of the
onslaught. I heard a very decent man, a mason, remark that when he was a callant there was to be
a meeting in the kirk in the parish whaur he cam' frae. He kent that the back door was shut inside
by a bar, and the front door was locked. He had heard some auld man remark that a pickle sma'
gravel gently put into the keyhole, and allowed to tak' possession o' the interior o' the lock, wad
necessitate them getting a blacksmith to open the door. So it wasna lang till he supplied
the gravel, and put the veto on admission by key power. I fired at the idea, and wasna lang in
concluding that both kirk and manse wad be closed ! I waited till a' was quiet on the night
preceeding the placing, and with a store of gravel in hand fed both keyholes, then went to bed as if I
had been a public benefactor. Next morning report said that a shut-out had been effected, and it
now remained with the populace to keep out of the village every stranger who would dare to impose
on them a man unsuited to their wants and wishes. Tho spirit of " keep-him-out" gained ground with
great velocity, and, to all appearance, earnestness. Young and old were recommended not only to
keep out but chase awa' ony man wha dared to visit the place on this unchristian mission.
John Findlay was the first to discover that the door of the Manse was as the people wished, and the
auld bellman on going to the kirk door found that even for him there was no admittance. Counsel
had to be taken. Neither of the men could of their own accord apply the force required. After a
consultation it was recommended that a blacksmith be got and forehammer force applied. John
Findlay and John Wilson the beadle went to the smithy, where Will Coburn was alone at work, and
stated their mission. Will looked at each of the applicants in turn, and in the most bland manner in
tone and time, yea, even expression truly his own, said, "Na, faith, na; I work for the public, I wadna
like to lift my han' against them. It's no natural; I have no personal interest in this business. If I had
meat and drink to provide, I wadna be lang in garrin' the door flee aff its hinges, but as I am the
public servant, and as my master is against tho whole business, ye ken, gentlemen, that it wad be
sawcraledge on my part, and that's a crime I'll keep my hands clear o'. I wadna even lend a
forehammer for the purpose."
However, the doors were opened and the show went on.. As mid-day drew near labour was
suspended, and the people of the village, young and old, came forth to the street. A caution was
still visible about them, every group hanging about their own door; so there was nobody to meet the
intruders. Haldane frae Dreghorn, and Henderson frae Irvine, were the first two ministers who made
their appearanee in a gig; and when they put their noses past the Winhouse Yett, the grumble grew
into a buzz, and you wad ha'e thought that every one looked on their neighbour to stand forth, but
none stirred from the door. There they stood, groaning and hissing, as the men in black passed
with such a pleasant smile on their faces as bespoke defiance to the flock.
I had listened to so much daring, confronting, and repelling that I thought the folk in earnest, and
was prepared to play a part. I had secured an auld watering-can, had it in readiness to suspend
over my neck at a moment's warning, and had all the movable property in shape of the good boys
ready. We were to stand forth for the rights of the people. The boys were charged the night before
that when they heard the tune of Cockles-cum-deg on the auld can, they were to be at my back.
We had assembled at Rowat's door to wait the arrival or witness the chase, which we would have
joined in the rear. The villagers, however, had merely wasted a little breath hissing and groaning,
when old Mysie Wallace, with a heavy charge of whisky inside, a brazen face and bold bearing,
came to the front and shouted down the street, " Now's your chance ! keep them out If you let them
enter the village you ought to be d-d." At the close of this heroic declaration I came on to the
middle of the road with a few of the picked boys in the rear, and springing from Mysie's side to the
front of the horse, beat a row-de-dow so unexpected to either ministers or horse that the latter
bolted with the intruders right into Jock Brown's horse-midden, and there, at rather an acute angle,
the gig came to a state of repose.
Haldane having leaped out and taken the horse by the head, Henderson held on for a time; but he
also had to alight among the manure, which certainly afforded some mirth to the onlookers.
Haldane shouted, "A guinea of reward to any person who will give me that boy's name." To my
astonishment, Mysie Wallace with audacity stepped forward and said, " If ye could banish that ane,
ye wad do the parish a guid turn."
This, I think, was the first and last time I ever came to the front in behalf of the public, and I received
the ordinary reward for my pains.
Kilmarnock sent forth her supplies, lay and clerical, who were to take a hand in the game. The
same grunting and groaning was repeated to all comers. Few went to the kirk in a healthy state of
mind. There was a thrawn look amang the folk as the farce was being enacted. When the laying on
of hands took place, some of the boys thought that the ministers were going to have a game at
Auld King Coul. Cuthill frae Ayr officiated; him wha Rab Hamilton said read his lesson frae a book
like a schuilboy. When the farce was ended, it was announced that the Rev. Dr Macleod wad take
his stand at the front door to receive a welcome from the parishioners. There he stood wi' the tear in
his e'e, Willie Gibson on his right and Willie Allan on his left hand, the only twa elders in the parish.
The flock came out liker dushing toops, that is liker raised rams, than like common sheep to own a
herd. Their venom was unmistakable. Only one, of a cross-breed, in the person of auld Ralston,
came front on, and, looking quite amiable, he shook the Doctor warmly by the hand, at the same
time giving utterance to the lie direct, " You're welcome here, sir." At this moment I slippet my arm
through between Willie Gibson's legs and got a grip o' Ralston's coat-tail; first giving a draw and
then a push, I sent the twa against the disreputed herd wi' a dunner that sent him a bit out o' the
road o' the flock, wha now rushed out faster that an incumbrance was for the moment removed.
The daylight view of the matter was full of mockery-a parish mocked by a patron sending a wolf
among the sheep.
The solemnities being over, a matter-of-fact scene opened at the Manse. The creature comforts
were spread on the table, surrounded by the select or elect. Justice was done to the swallowing of
soups and solids, followed by a stimulated upheaving of song and sentiment; and there for the first
time I heard the maniacal utterance, " Hip, hip, hurra ! with one cheer more ! "
When night came on, a crowd of boys and young men came near to listen to the sound of revelry
which rang from the interior of the Manse. An invitation to a few was given to come in and partake
with the gentry of a parting glass.
It was thought that a dram to the outsiders might thaw the coldness of their hearts. The carriages were
now receiving their cargoes, and some study was considered necessary as to the packing.
The old Doctor and Willie Parker were put into a carriage heads and thraws; whether the danger lay
with the goods or the packers, or at whose risk, nobody cared to inquire. It was first proposed to
set them in the bottom of the carriage for fear of their falling off the seat, but Rab Templeton wisely
said, " Were ony thing to gang wrang wi' them that way placed, the folk wad blame us; we'll set
them right up, and should they fa', they can blame themsel's."
As it was a' ae score, a sederunt among the hangers-on was continued till midnight; some got
home, and some lay on the premises. Thus passed the preface, gluttony-stamped, to entering on
the sacred charge.
The first Sabbath the Doctor opened the Bible to exhort, he selected a text suited to what he meant
to do,-"And he entered the synagogue as usual, and there he stood up to read." There was a
precedent he meant to follow; but the flock didna like paper food-they had a loathing and lodged
hate at second-hand stuff.
The greatest blunder the new herd made was to read an auld Act o' Parliament, by which ony body
in the parish absent frae the kirk without a reasonable excuse was to be fined in a shilling. He got
the roll of the parish, and had the hardihood to read it from the pulpit, asking the people present to
answer to their names. About ninety were present out of a parish nine miles long and five miles
broad. His heart failed him ere he reached the end of his long scroll. He burst into tears and folded
up the bundle of absentees, pocketing the affront with a choked utterance.
Some folk thought that death wad soon rid them o' the spiritual fungus which had been forced on
them; but to their desires no attention was paid for a quarter of a century, when death of his own
accord removed the stumblingblock of the patron's choice.