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Scenes from an Artist's Life
Chapter 25
" Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And the days o' langsyne."
OLD KILMARNOCK FRIENDS-THE RED SEA TAILOR; OR, THE AYRSHIRE
MUNCHAUSEN---HIS EXPLOIT AT ROTHESAY-PROFESSOR AT GLASGOW-IN THE
HIGHLAND TEA TRADE-LORD CORNWALLIS IN THE CLYDE -OCULIST IN EGYPT
-DUEL WITH LORD TRAIL-RETURNS TO THE TAILORING-AGILITY AT EIGHTY-FIVE
-A TAILOR AND A THIEF.
IT is only when we have left the place where we were familiar, and taken up our abode among
strangers that the recollection of our auld acquaintance comes before the mind's eye in full force.
Yet out of the great breadth of a man's acquaintance, how few stand out in bold relief so as to
speak distinctly for themselves in after years !
Among the old men, Ringan Paisley was one who, meet him where you would think of him when
you would, stood the genuine old disciple of truth. His examination of a subject or character was
calm and dispassionate, and his conclusions always charitable. His manner was often more than
the matter; and as he was among the last of old friends who visited me in Kilmarnock, he in
memory often visits me yet; and when he does, I feel young again. Ringan was a Radical Reformer
in the highest sense. His speeches were short and firm. His heart was young even the last time I
met him, when beyond eighty-five years of age. He said, "Man, John, I find that hairst's comin' on.
I'm ripenin' fast, and maun soon be ta'en to the barn-yard."
William Wylie, of Morton Place, was the last friend who convoyed me out of Kilmarnock. He shed
tears to see me depart so callous as not to give utterance to some feeling of regret at going from a
place where I had so many early associations which should not, he said be lightly looked at or
easily forgotten. This was all true, but hope was a-head, and looking back dangerous. He convoyed
me out the Kilmaurs road, and, as when parting with my mother, I did not look back. He stood fast till
I passed out of sight, then I looked through the hedge, and saw him move slowly away to his home.
My wife and the younger branches of the family were moving on to Paisley in John Stevenson's caravan.
This was the cheapest route to Glasgow in those days. It cost only nine shillings for the living freight.
The furniture went on a cart by the direct road to Glasgow.
Among my old acquaintances in Kilmarnock-I mean old men-there was no equal to James M'Kay, tailor.
Some talk of tailors slightingly, but as a genius I have never there, or anywhere else, met with a man who possessed the grandeur of style in relating his life, and the worthy bits in the lives of others, equal to him whom the Galston people designated "The Red Sea Tailor." James was about eighty when I was first introduced to him, and he died at the age of eighty-seven. Between the cradle and the grave he had seen
many changes, noted them as they passed, and toward the evening of his days used to turn over pages
of his past experience for my special edification. I was an excellent listener, and James only required
such a thing as a listener. When he opened the sluices of his accumulated knowledge it ran a stream of
events, brilliant to behold, as the sunshine of his valour gilded them on their way to the ear of his
astonished and delighted biographer.
James M'Kay's father was a farmer in the vicinity of Inverness. He had brothers who followed the same occupation, graziers and cattle dealers. At the age of eleven, James left home in company with some
drovers, and landed in Edinburgh, where he learned the trade of a tailor. He had a thirst for knowledge.
He read at intervals, and attended evening classes. He became an expert scholar, had a fine memory,
and was polite and plain in speech. He commenced to study military tactics, and became expert at the
sword exercise, especially the small sword. It was his favourite. He left the tailor trade and became a
clerk in Rothesay Mills.
From this place he wrote to his friend Lord M'Donald of the Isles to use his infuence to procure for
him a commission in the army. His lordship returned for answer that as he was going to raise a
regiment of fencibles he would need him for himself. So it was not long till he received a letter
from his lordship saying the first man that appears on the ground, with twenty recruits, will have a
captaincy, sending him at the same time a heavy sum of money, and full powers to draw on his
lordship for any amount.
He now got a fine suit of military clothes of the M'Donald tartan, and made to his own taste, which
afterwards pleased his lordship so much that he made it the standard for his officers. The dress for
the privates were also entrusted to him. He next hired a piper; and one morning at the breakfast hour
he took the streets in Rothesay with a pair of pistols in his belt, and, with his sword drawn, followed
by his piper, he marched to martial music on his first recruiting enterprise. He was followed by old and
young, and halting before the head inn, he made his first speech in honour of Lord M'Donald, his King
and country, and by way of bidding farewell to the young men who were employed in the mills, he
invited them to come in; he was going to stand treat, and so he did. Whisky and eloquence are not
long in making heroes out of fools. The young men were all bound under indentures, but it so
happened that M'Kay had drawn out most of these indentures himself, and they were all on unstamped
paper, although they did not know that. Before going, he made a speech on independence, and spoke
of bound slaves being in an unmanly position. He threw a handful of guineas on the drumhead, and
requested every free man to lift one and go with him to serve their King and country. Twenty-four
took the bait. He sent for a friend and gave him directions to have the best wherry in the place in
readiness to go to Glasgow by sail and oar, and to have a crew that, once under weigh, could not be
caught. This being done, a pleasure trip was held out to the young men, with the soothing assurance
that they, being bound men, would not be taken into the army. A report of the movement reached the
managers of the mills, and a sheriff-officer was employed to stop the proceedings. James went on board,
however, followed by the piper and his recruits, who were now heroes and above listening to any advice
but that of their captain, who had ordered plenty of ship stores, both liquid and solid, for the water
journey. Being all night on the water, they arrived at Glasgow early in the morning. The first thing
the captain did was to land his men, and having taken them to an inn, he gave them a good breakfast,
and as soon as the Customhouse opened, he made the authorities there aware that a boat's crew
would likely soon arrive at the Broomielaw, giving the description; and, charging them with
defrauding the Government, he ordered them to be put under an arrest till they should be confronted
with him. This being done, the captain kept his men in proper humour till the time for swearing-in
and passing the doctor was over . Nineteen out of his twenty-four recruits passed the doctor,
and he was not long in getting the twentieth. His former employers being now prisoners, the captain
visited them and pled their cause. It was at that time fifty pounds of penalty for every one of the
unstamped indentures. So the captain said that if the King was defrauded on the one hand, he was
served on the other, and instead of pushing the case farther, he recommended that the managers
and the King's refuse should go home when they pleased. By this stratagem, James M'Kay was
first in the presence of Lord M'Donald, with his twenty recruits, and took the position of captain.
He made many changes in military life, as well as in civil service. Sometimes you had the
connecting link why he left one place and went to another, but it depended greatly upon where he
began, and I never cross-questioned or doubted his statements, which pleased him much.
" When I was head lecturer and dissector in the Glasgow College, a young man from Pollokshaws,
who was then a weaver, called on me one day. He wished to take my advice as to whether he
should prosecute his studies at the College or remain in the weaving department in hope of
becoming a manufacturer. I saw that there was talent of a high order in the lad, and I cheered him
on for education, and guided him after in his studies; and who do you think it was but he who filled
my situation after I resigned, in the person of Professor Jaffrey ?"
One day James prefaced a speech thus-"A man who has travelled becomes a great power over
him who has grown up in solitude. Tea dealing has now a different meaning to me from what it had
at one time. When I was in China I saw tea growing, and witnessed the whole process of its
preparation. The Emperor's head gardener and I grew very familiar, and through him I was allowed to
go on shore and pass through the royal gardens. I was supercargo to a ship at the time. The
gardener was a great herbalist, and was much surprised that I should know all the herbs they had
in cultivation. I was introduced to the Emperor. He could talk a little English, and I could talk a little
Chinese, so much that we could understand each other.
" When I told him that we had all the herbs growing wild in our country which they were at so much
trouble to cultivate for the use of the Royal family and gentry, he wondered that we should send to
them for tea, as the herbs we had were far superior. When I was there, I discovered a fraud
practised much in tea dealing. The leaf of the tea was alone allowed to be packed as tea; but I
observed a traffic in small cut wiry twigs, that make their appearance in the cup sometimes in the
shape of strangers. I had an acquaintance in London, an extensive tea merchant, and when I came
home I arranged with him to supply him with a like commodity at a cheap rate. I retired to a
sequestered place in the Highlands. I had a wife and small family by this time, and I had a desire to
be with them. There was a moor near to where we lived, and during the summer months we used to
gather the small dead, wiry, birney heather that was bleached, and all the flavour of the heath gone
out of it. That we secured in one end of our house; and when winter came on then we sat
comfortable and cut with scissors the summer's gathering into half-inch lengths, and packed the
stuff thus manufactured into tea bosses, and sent it to London to my friend the tea merchant. We
got two pounds a box for it, and it was thus scattered over the tea-drinking world as the genuine
beverage. There is adulteration in everything, and what sells at a high price offers most temptation.
For instance, Peruvian or Jesuit's bark is a high-priced article; and the bark of our own poplars
is not far behind it in real value when the tree is old. I recollect of the wind blowing down a large
poplar tree at Loudoun Castle. I bought the tree as it lay, for twenty-five shillings. After I had the
bark off I sold it for thirty, and for the bark I got five pounds from a wholesale druggist in
Glasgow. I used to gather herbs, too, in the Highlands, and send them to the London market.
The herbs which grow on the old ground in the mountains are valuable. It is the richness of them
that makes the goat's milk so medicinal."
While he was thus relating his past life for my edification, he would be sitting in his garret with a
seam in his hand, and quite intent on going to stitch away, but the events of his past life brought all
motion except that of his tongue to a standstill. And how earnest he would look when opening up a
new vein of precious mineral, or running it along the line at railway speed ! "When I was at
Yorktown, in America, along with Cornwallis, one day his lordship and I were sitting together in his
marquee. He was writing to the British Government an account of being compelled to yield himself
and men prisoners of war to the allied powers of France and America. A shell came right through
the tent, alighting between his lordship and myself. It exploded, blowing table, despatches, and
everything around us into the air, and left his lordship and me sitting looking at each other. It was to
me a sight of great humiliation to see his lordship sitting beside me on a camp stool a staring idiot !
So severe was the shock on his nervous system, united with the grief of being obliged to capitulate,
that he was left a staring piece of vacancy. All mind, memory, and sense were gone. The enemy
were very honourable to him, and treated him with great kindness. I was entrusted with bringing him
home. We were put on board a British ship, bound for Greenock. It was not till we were passing
Ailsa Craig that his lordship showed any signs of returning mind. He and I were walking the deck
arm-in-arm, when he asked me if that was Gibraltar. I told him that we were on the coast of
Scotland. He wished to know what we were doing there. I said, " Your lordship is intrusted to report
to the British Government the real state of the war." He seemed satisfied, and asked if I saw where
he had laid his despatches. I proposed to the captain of the vessel, that if he would put us ashore
at Ayr I would reward him. The wind being favourable for the purpose, we stood down on Ayr
harbour, and there we were landed. I took his lordship to the principal inn, and made enquiry as to
whether the Earl of Eglinton was at home; and, being assured that he was, we had some
refreshment. I ordered a coach-and-four, and posted direct to Eglinton Castle. His lordship had a
dinner party convened, with whom we were in good time to join. Major Parker, Colonel Cunningham,
and Lord Loudoun were among the guests. We got a hearty welcome, and were invited to remain
guests at the Castle until it should be known at head-quarters how we were to move in the matter It
was agreed among ourselves to keep the arrival of his lordship a secret for some time. It never was
mentioned in history. His lordship grew quite well, and returned to the army again. It was he who, in
1801, signed the Peace of Amiens on the part of Great Britain."
Another fragment of the Captain's history runs thus: " At this time I was in Egypt along with Ralph
Abercrombie. He was killed just about a week before the end of the war, or what we called the '
Wee Peace. ' Our men suffered dreadfully with sore eyes in Egypt. I was head doctor in the army at
that time. I have seen me turn out five hundred eyes in one morning. I went through among the men
with the key and ocult, then the other surgeons followed washing and putting them in again. The
sun, the sand, and the saltpetre destroy the sight in Egypt."
Another snatch of the Captain's experience ran thus: " When I was sent home to inform the Duke of
York of the superiority of the new Prussian exercise over ours, I was introduced by the Duke to his
brother, the Prince Regent, who was an excellent swordsman. He wished to prove my skill with the
small sword. When we met I ventured a joke with him, saying, ' In support of the Crown of England I
fear no foe.' I soon convinced his Royal Highness and the Duke that I was capable of carrying
through the mission with which I was entrusted. I was then instructed to drill the officers of
the British army; and so you see that it was through me the new Prussian exercise, with some
additions of my own, was given to the military. "
" Every man has to fight his way through the world less or more. You will observe at school when a
green boy comes he has to fight some young bully. Even in shoemakers' and tailors' garrets the
tongue is used as a weapon to fight with, and in military mess-rooms I have seen much insolence
given to provoke duels. That night I left the army there was a genteel young man joined our mess as
an officer. When he came into the room Lord Trail, who was a captain also, insulted him. I said to
his lordship that cowards only imposed upon strangers, and to the young man I said, ' If you don't
chastise this fellow for his insolence to you, I'll do it.' His lordship rose to his feet and coming
straight in front of me, looked in my face and enquired, ' Do you think that you could chastise me ?'
I replied, 'I stated to you that I will.' At this the rest of the officers clapped their hands, which
chagrined his lordship so that he said, ' Name time and place, choose your weapons, bring your
second, and take your reward.' Says I, ' My lord, you smell of the coward, and it would be wrong to
give you time to cool. On this floor, now, and without a second, with the small sword I will teach
you manners.' We drew and set at each other like two cocks. I saw the coward wink at that
moment. I leapt on him, parried, and ran him through the groin. He fell with a shriek. I withdrew my
sword, wiped it, put it in the scabbard, and left the room. I calculated that the wound was mortal,
and sent in my resignation to the Duke of York that night, and in the morning I was off in disguise."
" I came down to Ayrshire, and, calling on my old friend, Lord Loudoun, with whom I was a welcome
guest, I staid with him in the castle for three months. Lord Trail recovered, but resigned his
commission also. I could not think of going back to the army, and to be a sort of pauper among
gentry, I despised the very thought of it. One day his lordship and I were taking a walk on the
policies, and, looking down on Galston, I said, ' My lord, I think that I'll away down to the village and
commence my old trade of tailor once more.' His lordship laughed and said, ' Then take my
measure for a pair of breeks and allow me to be your first customer.' I did so, and so you see here I
am."
The old Captain had been twice married and had fathered twenty-two children.
I was in conversation with him one day, when he was upwards of eighty-five years of age. He was
fighting his battles over again, and talking of leaping on Lord Trail with the small sword. I was
admiring his genius, when he stated that he could leap seven feet to the front and run his man
through the body, spring back to his starting point, wheel, leap to the rear, and run another through
seven feet the other way. I expressed surprise at his prowess, but could not see how he could do it.
He rose to the floor, seized his small lapboard, and measured the centre of his garret floor, between
the fireplace and the door. Now, says he, suppose that can lid upon the mantelpiece was Lord
Trail's face, and suppose the lock of the door the face of some other impertinent scoundrel; I'll show
you how I would chastise them. He sprung like a tiger at Lord Trail, and made his imitation head
trintle along the floor when it fell wounded from the wall. He made a back leap, and wheeling on the
spot, sprang at the door, making the lapboard dirl off the lock, and back to his stand in the centre. "
Now," said he, " unless they had guarded the thrusts, they were both dead men." The length of his
garret was fifteen feet.
Many a walk I used to take with him on herb-gathering excursions. In his latter days he lived mostly
by selling herbs and curing complaints which had baffled every other practitioner. When speaking of
some of his patients, he would say " I took that one out of the jaws of death." It is a long while
since death's jaws opened for him and closed on him.
If ever a man lived above the meanness of complaint or regret at having done his country great and
gratuitous service, it was the Captain. I never heard a murmur escape his lips, neither have I seen a
mean look pass from his countenance. He was in possession of a mine of mental wealth,
of which he was no miser. He who had sense to gape had no need to go away empty.
By way of contrast, we will turn up another tailor to finish the chapter with.
I knew a country tailor who was famed as a tailor and thief. His customers knew his faut quite weel,
but they knew his worth as weel. Everybody reasoned that it was a bit failing that he really couldna
help. All agreed that it was greed and not gain, for he, during a long life, was never known to use a
bit of an article which he had taken home. Thirty-six years' gathering was stored in a garret. His
wife died first; then he got a housekeeper, but none were privileged to see the inside of his
sanctum. He was of a religious cast of mind, yet paid a visit to the garret every Sabbath morning.
When old age came upon him, and he found his strength decaying, the garret goods seemed to
annoy him. In his last illness he slept with his breeches on, and kept the key in his pocket. The
day before his death he tried a number of plans to get his housekeeper out of the way for some
time. He named a message that she was to go and it would take her at least two hours to go and
come back. She went and told his son-in-law that she thought the old man was dying. She had no
sooner left the house, than the dying man rose out of bed, and on his hands and knees crawled up
the stair to where his treasure lay, and began with his teeth to tear, trying to obliterate, the
gatherings of nearly forty years. Everything that the covetous heart and hand had seized on, turned
king's evidence against him. He fain would have destroyed the proof, but it was too honest for him.
He was thus found by the housekeeper, tearing his soul's treasures to tatters, and requested her
assistance. She carried him down stairs to his bed.
His son-in-law came to converse with him. This person was one of those large-hearted men who
pray for the sick and administer consolation to the afflicted. The garret was incoherently spoken of
by the dying man. When near to depart a prayer was offered by the son-in-law in behalf of the
perturbed spirit about to leave its tabernacle, and while speaking, the process of breathing was
suspended. While thus, as it were, convoying a spirit heavenward, it seemed to refuse journeying
that way and alight on him, for stopping his prayer when the breath was out, his first expression
was, " He's gone. I would like to see what's in the garret."
Great minds have always an upward tendency.
The spiritualiser sat there for three days apportioning the stolen property into twelve bundles of as
equal value as he could reach by the rule of thumb, intended to be bequeathed on the penny-about
system to as many relatives. Only one of these relatives had manliness enough to despise the
legacy.
As in other professions, there are degrees of thieves. Some are liberal and large-hearted. They take
from one and give to another with a freedom truly astonishing. They become as it were teachers in
society; while a miserable thief like the tailor becomes doubly detestable, first for taking what he
has no right to, next for depriving his neighbour of the use of what might keep him comfortable.
Auld Hawkie said that it was a great pity o' onybody in whose head the appropriation clause was
ower big, for though they might never reach the gallows they were still on the road to it, and richly
deserving it.