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English as she is spoke

© - Stuart McHardy, Perthshire Advertiser, 18th February 1997

A wis asked the ither day how it is that sae mony fowk in England think that the Scots accent is the maist trustwarthy o aa the weys fowk speak in the British Isles. It's a fair quaistion an leavin aside aa the jokes aboot Hooray Henrys an the murder done tae what they cry the Queen's English on Eastenders, there are acouple o serious pynts that kin be made. The maist important is that the survival o Scots as a spoken tung his meant that we hae kept haud o an aulder wey o speakin - tae cry it mair authentic wad no be richt, so dinnae - mair like the wey fowk spoke centuries back in baith Scotland and England while the growth o "Estruary English" particklarly in the sooth o England his seen wholesale cheenhges. Fer instance the followin wis heard in a London boozer -"Pointalaagrjjaawn" when a young lad requested a jorum o his favourite tippple fae the barman. A passin American, an there's aye a passin American, wis heard tae ask whit language the lad wis yaisin an wis confused tae hear it described as English, by the (Scottish) barman. He had probably thocht it wis Klingon, bein American. It seems tae me that maist Scots fowk enunciate thair wards clearer nor the English - jist think on hou they sometimes say "r" like in thon weel-kennt tea-dance the "char-char-char" an then dinnae say it in car, jar or even bar which end up mair like caw, jaw or baw - sounds wi totally different meanins up aroun here. Ane o ma English freens (an there is mair nor ane) tellt me a while back he hid cracked the difference atween Scots an English - " It's simple," he seyd," you lot speak the words the way they're spelled!". Ye can see his pynt wi wards lke brought or thought bit spellin o ony kind o language kin be jist a bit weird. Ma late uncle caught aabody wi "ghoti", askin whit it spellt. The answer is, obviously fish, een gin its rough fer ony women in this nation tae comprehend. The only necessity is tae be understood, tho gin fowk like the wey ye speak they'll likely try harder tae understand whit ye're seyin while gin they think ye're chowin bricks (or even sookin bools) they'll no care ae wey or the ither.